Waxing realistic

I confess, sometimes when I just can't seem to wrap my head around something, I give in and simply refrain from thinking about it all.

A good example, politics. Someone is always bending the truth, and I just can't justify siding with anyone whole-heartedly, so I endorse policies rather than people. (But that's problematic too, because of that thing they call pork...) I wanted to watch the recent State of the Union, but I was so distracted by the childish game of who stood and clapped at which statements, my brain exploded and I fell asleep.

Lately, too, I've been thinking long and hard about how upsetting it is that I feel helpless in the face of big problems like homelessness. I'm asked for money daily, but my crushing student loan debt and perpetually tardy utility bills usually stop me. And the inevitable conundrum of, if I help one person, must I help the next one? And the next? How do I choose who gets to eat breakfast this morning? Again, my head feels like it's overflowing and I shut down. I put on my blinders when I walk the streets.

These are bigger issues that will forever be unsolved. That's not pessimism, it's realism, and the difference can be slight.

Recently, I've learned a similar lesson about the business world. But first, some background. Most people who know me not as well might say that I'm relentlessly cheerful and friendly. As a friend once put it, "un-jaded." Those who know me a little better would agree, for the most part, but also know the part of me that is stubborn and sometimes hot-headed. I guess what I'm saying is that inside I don't always feel like the soft-spoken, blissfully-naive person I tend to appear to be. But some recent events have left me doe-eyed, realizing that, yes, I do have lots more to learn about the world. And here is what I learned this week:

When it comes to a job, you are not your integrity. You are not your work ethic. You are not your I-got-your-back coworker relationships. Those things will only get you so far. You are, actually, your billable hours. You are your productivity. You are your dollars and cents on an invoice. Somewhere, you are a sliver of a pie chart in company's budget. Party favors at office Christmas parties are nice. But they are not the bottom line.

But even in lieu of my perhaps long overdue existential epiphany, it still helps me to think that there is a way to run a business that really cares about people, where no one gets lost amongst the padded gray cubicle walls. The ones that are only five feet tall, but reach to ceiling...

Here it goes again. My mind is overwrought with thoughts of equality and humanity and it's starting to make me think about politics, so it's time to stop. And with that, I will venture on to think about something much simpler, and hope reality doesn't creep in to ruin it.